Proxima Legends Vol. 2: (A LitRPG Adventure) (Fantasy Online Books 3 & 4) by Harmon Cooper

Author:Harmon Cooper [Cooper, Harmon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Boycott Books, LLC
Published: 2023-03-31T16:00:00+00:00

(x)__(x)

The Mitherfickers spawn at the gates of Waringtla, Polynya’s giant city where numerous Unigaean giants have settled since the Great Migration. The city is locked up tightly, likely because of the portals that have opened up across Polynya.

“How the fick are we supposed to get in there?” Hiccup asks as he looks up at the literal giant wall. “We’re definitely going to need some fickin’ pastries.”

“We don’t have time for pastries, Hiccup, we’ve got a portal to seal.” FeeTwix’s eyes go black. “Hello everyone, I’m baaaaaack! Back to tell you about the latest offer from UnitedDeltaSouthwest! It’s the Valentine’s Day extravaganza, with exclusive deals to Paris—Paris est à proprement dire toute la France—and so many other awesomely romantic places! Did someone say bogo? Yes, yes, yes! I said bogo! Buy one economy plus or greater fare and get the second one free! What’s the catch? That’s the catch—you have to buy economy plus, which, as we all know, is just so much better than economy. Board the plane before the plebes. Get two inches more space—two inches, people! Get upgraded snacks! Don’t want the shortbread cookie? How about a yummy yummy granola bar all for the low, low price of nearly double the normal economy fare. Did someone say bogo? Yes! I said bogo! Right now through the UnitedDeltaSouthwest you can buy one economy plus or greater ticket and get one free! Terms and conditions apply. Black out dates available on the app. See the UnitedDeltaSouthwest app for more details.” FeeTwix takes a deep breath in. “Wait. What’s that? The fickers got a gift for Hiccup for his birthday?”

“It’s his birthday?” Enway asks. She’s no longer wearing her sunglasses, the mage’s eyes glowing red as she turns to the goblin. “Is it really your birthday?”

“Easy there, demon eyes, fickin’ sunglasses back-the-fick-on or look somewhere else. It’s my birthday? Hold the fick up. Did you say it’s my birthday and I’m getting a gift?” Hiccup plows through Ryuk and Enway, who were just close enough that their hands were touching. “Poofters!” he calls to them as he reaches the Swede. “Gift me, Twixy, fickin’ pronto!”

“Damn, Hiccup, chill!”

“Twixy, if someone has a fickin’ gift, you bet your frozen viking chalupa I’m going to get what’s mine. Is it a Jatlan ficklight? Been meaning to try one of those.”

“A what?” Enway asks Ryuk.

“I don’t want to know.”

Zaena frowns, as does Oric, who stands off to the side with his big bad wolf.

“Get ready, Hiccup!” FeeTwix turns both hands over and a gauntlet appears, one with buttons on it that look like they’d be better off on an old Nintendo, the kind Ryuk has seen in museums.

“What the fick am I supposed to do with this? Is this some sort of tug-assist? I know this one place in Bluwid—”

“It’s not for that, Hiccup, I assure you. Watch.” FeeTwix presses a button on the inner wrist of the gauntlet. “Fick you.”

“Fick me? What the fick, Twixy, I thought we were bffs?”

FeeTwix then presses one of the eight buttons on the opposite side of the piece.

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